Honey, would you wear these cuff links? Darling, which flowers do you like the best? Sweetie, isn’t this the best tasting cake you have ever had?

The secret to involving your groom in the wedding is giving them the idea that they are part of the big day while not ruining your plans. The bride and the wedding planner may have a hundred tasks at hand, so give your fiancée one or two that you can let go of and he can make his own. This might sound a little bit sneaky (it is!) but it will go a long way toward making the “honey, darling, sweetie” requests become something your loved one will enjoy - or at least tolerate.

“Honey, I just can’t decide on a wedding song (for our first dance, for cutting the cake, etc.), would you find the perfect one?” Asking the question and then giving him a little nudge in the direction you want to go (by providing them a list of wedding songs that you have already reviewed, for example), will still give you some control while allowing him to make the final choice.

“Darling, can you believe that our entire wedding is PINK? That’s why I wanted to give you this gift (perhaps an outrageous groom’s cake), to remind you how much I love you!” Making a gift to your fiancée is a good way to help him feel special, but at the same time, you can keep these gifts away from influencing the look and feel of the ceremony or reception by having them at the rehearsal dinner, for example.

“Sweetie, thank you for the best wedding ever! Now that it is over, you can…” While the wedding is your big day, make the honeymoon his. Offer to fulfill his fantasies and be open to creative honeymoon ideas. You still preserve your perfect wedding day while giving up some control for your groom.

If you have to poke and prod your significant other to get him involved with the wedding, then you are not alone. For many of us, our fiancée is simply along for the ride. Luckily, getting your loved one involved with the wedding can be done without sacrificing your own dreams with a few “honey, darling, and sweeties,” said with a smile.

• Groomzillas beware!
• Not your first wedding? Not a problem.
• Five tips to help college brides survive the wedding planning process
• Why you should talk about the Yankees and the Red Sox before you say “I Do”